Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Should's And Win-Win's

I think we should be able to drive with our eyes closed and get where we’re going safely. Think about that. If you have a long commute to work, you could catch up on your Z’s. Driving the kids to soccer or football practice—snooze away. You wouldn’t even have to worry about those pesky red lights or stop signs. Or the idiots who text while driving. You wouldn’t have to look at those dumb asses anymore—your eyes would be closed! Sounds like a total win-win, to me!

 I think we should be able to eat while lying down and not choke to death—hear me Mama Cass? You wouldn’t even have to get up in the morning. Just lie there and have someone shovel those eggs into your mouth! When lunch rolls around—open wide and shove that peanut butter and jelly sandwich right on in. If you’re hunkering for a snack, well, you can lie there and toss some Oreos in the air and catch them with your teeth—never getting off your back! You want milk with that, you say? Just rig up a cup and straw on your bedside table. See? Another win-win.

 I think female dogs should be born spayed. Unless you want your female puppy to grow up and breed, of course. But in my case, I haven’t had a minute to get my female puppy to the vet—except for her shots— and yep, you guessed it—she’s back in her hot pants. So if girlie puppies were born already unable to have puppies it would save people, like me (who lose track of time for various reasons I won’t go in to right now ) a lot of aggravation. Therefore, female puppies already sterilized is a win-win, in my world.

 I think that television shows should be filmed and then run consecutively. Waiting a week in between shows, or in the event of the Oscars or a stupid sporting event, puts a major cramp in my style. There are a bazillion television stations in this century, why must they interrupt my shows? And why must I wait to see what happens to my make-believe characters? I want to see the plot, conflict and mishaps right.now.all.at.once. So for me, that would be a win-win.

 I think that we should be able to use electrical devices while taking a bath without getting dead. Image that for a few seconds—or minutes, if your brain is operating in slow-mo like mine this time of year. If you could lounge around in your tub—with bubbles and candles—with your laptop, or even your Kindle or other E-reader. That would be fun! Or what if you wanted to do your hair with a curling iron? Or maybe you want to sand a piece of wood with your handy-dandy wood sander. I mean, come on, there are tons of things you could do in the tub with electronics. But let’s face it. If you did, you’d get zapped and you wouldn’t be able to read my blog. That’s just not right. We have the technology to take out terrorists without setting foot in their country. We can spy on our own citizens while they lounge around their house in their underwear. Heck, we cross breed dogs, plants and fruit. But we can’t bathe with electronics without getting zapped? That’s a problem. I think we should fix that into a win-win.

 And last, but certainly not least, I think Mother Nature should stop delaying spring. Or at the very least, we should be able to kick Punxsutawney Phil’s furry ass. I’m sick of the cold, the wet and the dreary and if I don’t get warmth and sunshine soon—I’m gonna go ape shit on Mother Nature AND Phil. And THAT would FEEL like a win-win right about now.



  1. Faaaaaaaaabulous post, Pam!

    Loved ALL of your win-win's, but...

    "I think that we should be able to use electrical devices while taking a bath without getting dead."

    Is my FAVORITE!!!! I would loved to be able to stand in the shower and use my electrical beard trimmer WHILE I'm taking a shower without getting DEAD because it would save me time in the morning.

    And I also agree about Mother Nature and delaying spring, because even thought I LOVE winter, I'm ready for spring. Actually, today here in Philly is was stunning. Sunny, cool and very dry.

    "I’m gonna go ape shit on Mother Nature AND Phil. And THAT would FEEL like a win-win right about now."

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! Cracked me up!!!!

    Have a fantabulous rest of your week, my friend!

    (((((( You ))))))


  2. Ron, I'm glad you liked my "win-win's". And yes, it would save time using an electric razor in the shower. See, I'm on to something here! ;)

    I was thinking about you today. I know how much you like winter and when we got this last snow storm I thought you might like it. But then the sunshine today was just so nice and I thought maybe you might be liking that too!

    It is time though for old man winter to go to sleep and he can take Mother Nature with him...and Phil. ;)


  3. Can I add to your wonderful list?? Yeah? Ok, thanks!.....Let's add getting older without feeling those new and crappy aches and pains of being older. I don't even care about the wrinkles and grey hair if my knees and hips would stop creaking!

  4. Yes, Grammy, we should be able to grow older and our bodies should remain their youthful, energized, twenty-ish selves. I'm all over that! Who the hell do we take that up with anyway? Not Mother Nature...I hope...I've been cussing her out something fierce lately. ;)



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