I come up with the best posts at night, in my bed, when I’m half asleep. I tell myself that I should roll over, turn on my bed side lamp, grab my notebook and pen and write them down, but I’m just too darn tired. So, I tell myself that I WILL remember the awesome ass post in the morning.
Alas, morning comes, the puppy’s yappy because she heard my alarm clock and knows I SHOULD be up and she has to pee, the other one is dancing around the bed because she likes to go outside and eat poop, and the other is still lying on the bed because she’s just plain lazy.
I stumble out of bed and into the kitchen, half blind with sleep—I’m so not a morning person— and just barely make a pot of coffee without spilling coffee grinds all over the counter as the dogs all dance around my ankles and I’m utterly surprised I haven’t fallen on my butt as I make my way to the door to let their wiggly butts outside.
As they are doing their business, I try REALLY hard to recall my awesome ass post from the night before. ARGH! Can’t for the life of me even remember the first damn line, let alone the jist of the thing! Shit! Speaking of which, Madea is waiting for Kommit to take one.
“Madea, NO poop eating!” I yell out the door. My neighbors already think I’m a nut, but this is just MY normal morning routine. I really have to get some of that stuff that makes poop taste bad. Oh, geez. That’s just wrong on more levels than I can count this early in the morning. But seriously, does poop EVER taste good?
I have lost so many good posts while being half asleep. Well, at least I think they are good. Maybe they aren’t. Maybe I only think they are. Kinda like I think I sound really awesome singing to my car radio. Maybe my posts only SOUND good in MY groggy-sleep-filled brain but in reality they are stupid. There’s only one way to find out.
I need a voice recorder.
As soon as one of these good posts hit me, I can pull out my recorder from beneath my pillow, turn it on and begin speaking into it. That’s a lot easier than writing it down, don’t ya think? I certainly do. Anyway, I’ll just talk away until I finish the post or fall asleep. In the morning, after I’m done making coffee while the dogs dance around my legs, going potty and eating poop, I can listen to my voice—which I’m positive will sound horrible, because I don’t like my recorded voice, however, the words will be there and I can rewind and fast forward, or erase if it’s just a terrible post after all.
So, my goal for this week—buy a voice recorder. Too bad it can’t be a voice recorder-changer. I’d like to have a soft voice instead of my scratchy one. Oh well, it is what it is. I’ll let you know how my experiment works out. Good or bad, I’ll write it all down in a post and you all can vote on it.
Good thing I’m not super sensitive and have no problem making fun of my own self! Because goodness only knows how this is going to turn out and I want total honesty and since you all like me and will tell me the truth...it will be interesting if nothing else!