Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I'm A Warrior's Mom

I never want time to go too fast, yet I’m not too fond of my weeks feeling like months either, especially now when I’m just trying to keep myself from falling apart as I help my son heal from his accident and get him prepared for college.

 It’s only been four weeks since he was injured, however, I feel like it’s been four months and I haven’t had much time to think about the future and what this tragedy will mean to him, or the rest of my family.

 I’ve always been capable of compartmentalizing; it was a coping mechanism I learned while growing up in a dysfunctional childhood. I also developed tenacity, resiliency, and responsibility, and I became very assertive and methodical, all of which benefited me throughout my corporate career and now it’s assisting me with the hoards of medical and Army related paperwork as well as some of the speed bumps I’m encountering and it’s helping me deal with my own emotions as well.

 I believe our past shapes us for our future and my past, as difficult as it was at times, prepared me for this horrific event. I’m able to put my personal feelings aside and keep my emotions at bay, placing my sons feelings and needs first and foremost while remaining strong for him. I have a compartment for my emotions, like a dam holding back water, and one day that dam will break and the wall of water will burst forth, bringing my tumultuous feelings to the forefront where I will be forced to deal with them. On that day I will not be the Army Strong Mom I am today. I will just be a mom crying for her son and what he has lost and what will never be returned to him. 

 I will cry for the success he has achieved and the hurdles he has yet to clear. I will weep for the young man who so courageously joined the Army but was tragically and traumatically injured by the very institution that he loves so much yet still longs to serve. I will sob for my beautiful baby boy who had ten perfect little toes and fingers but now is dismembered for the rest of his life but has to learn to cope within himself, all by himself, and realize that he is still the SAME awesome person that he has always been regardless of what he looks like on the outside. Yet I will shed tears of joy that this tragedy wasn’t worse…much worse and that my boy is alive! He has ears to hear and eyes to see. He has his legs in which to run! And he has arms that he can hug me with.

 I’m not going to negate the fact that my son suffered a huge loss and I will weep for that loss, but I am also thankful that I still have my son knowing in my heart and soul he will get well; he will heal and he will prevail—he is a Warrior. For now, I will hold back MY feelings since that’s what he needs from me at this time, but when the time comes for ME to feel, I will permit myself to feel the gamut of emotions that I must.

 My son is a Warrior and I’m a Warrior’s mom. 



  1. Not just a Mom my friend, A GREAT MOM. You are exactly what he needs; strong when you have to be, caring and compassionate when he needs a Mom hug. Basically, You ROCK! Hart you bunches....

  2. Pamela, we've been friends for a few years now. If there's anything I can do for you or your young Soldier, let me know.

  3. Pam, dear friend, once again you have expressed yourself so honestly and eloquently. Your clear perspective on this experience is amazing!

    And can I just say.........you're an AWESOME mom!!!!

    "I believe our past shapes us for our future and my past, as difficult as it was at times, prepared me for this horrific event."

    You are so right!

    And it's your strength, tenacity, resiliency, responsibility AND love, that are the reasons why your son is doing so well. Through YOU he learned these same things.

    So BRAVA, Warrior Mom!

    ((((( You )))))

    You da' bomb!

    X ya!

    P.S. love the photo of you and Dalan!

  4. Grammy, thank you so much. It's been so rough recently, reading your words of encouragement mean a lot!

    I hart you too!

  5. Dave, as I told you in another email, you are so sweet and I appreciate your help. I will call you if I need any help in Military end because I know you have experience with that. Thank you SO much, my friend! And you take care on your "trip"! My thoughts will be with you!

  6. Ron, I have no idea where my "clear perspective" is coming from. Sometimes I feel like a robot. I don't have time to "feel" right now, only DO!

    Isn't it strange how when "life happens" we teach others through our actions. Dalan is learning so much through this tragedy and so is Austin; through his brother and my husband and me.

    This is another "lesson" of life in which all of us are teaching and learning. **sigh** but damn if it isn't tough!

    Thank you for your kind words, Ron, you are so sweet!


  7. Well, it's clear to see this family has great genes!
    Pam, you are being strong for your son and I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Nothing worse in this world than watching your child get hurt! Makes me so sad just thinking about it.
    Keeping you both in my thoughts.

  8. Bill, as a parent yourself, you do know how emotionally draining it is for me to watch my "baby" hurt. If I could trade places with him, I would in a second.

    Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts. That means a lot!


  9. Pam - You truly are a Warrior's Mom, with the strength, tenacity and dedication to help your son through this difficult time. He will heal with time, and with your wonderful support. Thinking of you both and keeping you in my prayers.

  10. Mairead, thank you for your kind words and prayers. They are truly needed and much appreciated.


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