Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I'm Not A Coffee Connoisseur

I’ve been a coffee drinker since I was thirteen.

 I think I’m a coffee connoisseur.

 My husband, however, says I have NO idea what coffee tastes like since I douse it with Coffee Mate and Splenda.

 For years we went round and round with me saying I can tell the difference between a GOOD cup of coffee from a BAD cup of coffee and him saying I can NOT tell the difference.

One day a few years ago we were having our good vs. bad cup of coffee debate and I insisted that I absolutely without a doubt could tell the difference.

 “Pam, I know for a FACT that you do NOT know the difference,” David said as serious as a heart attack, which made me a little nervous, since he normally injected sarcasm or some stupid ass joke into just about every conversation we had.

“HOW do you know?”

 “I just KNOW,” He repeated.

“Okay then tell me.” THIS ought to be good. Facts in David-land sometimes make me batshit crazy, as if I need any help.

 “One day while we were having our coffee on the patio and I went up to the kitchen to refill our coffee cups and there was only enough coffee for one cup. Since yours had a little bit left I added warm water, cream and splenda just to see IF you’d notice. I gave you the cup and you drank it without saying a word.”

 “No you did NOT.” I was horrified!

 “And Pam. I did this TWICE. Not in the same day. But it happened two times.”

 “Oh. Well. I guess I don’t know what coffee tastes like then.” I shrugged my shoulders. What else was I going to do? I was busted.

 “You aren’t mad?” He was staring at me, I guess waiting for me to blow my top.

“No. Why would I be mad? I may not know a good cup of coffee but I sure as hell know a good cigarette! So don’t go messing with them!” A woman’s logic ALWAYS wins in the end.

So there you have it. There REALLY is such a thing as a little coffee with your cream and sugar.



  1. I THOUGHT I was a coffee snob until I went to Italy, and then I saw true coffee (espresso) snobs in person! I also never had a cup of coffee that compares to what I had there....Mmmmmm....the cappuccinos'...I became addicted overnight! Now, I make my coffee at home with a french press if having hot coffee, or cold brewed if having iced, unless I break out the espresso machine and then I have cappuccinos' that would make an Italian proud!! And, only real half N half goes in my coffee....so if you and I are ever shipwrecked and there's only one serving of CoffeeMate left, it's all yours my friend! I'll take my java black! Hart you!

  2. I hate to admit that I prefer the Folger's to Starbuck's or anything like that. My husband finally convinced me a few years ago to try it with just the coffemate (hazlenut) and not put any extra sugar or splenda in. That's how I drink it everyday. I came over after your comment on my blog and now I'm following you in GFC. I love your posts! That comment about not having kids if you can't laugh at them cracked me up! Humor is how I stay sane as a mother!

  3. "“No you did NOT.” I was horrified!

     “And Pam. I did this TWICE. Not in the same day. But it happened two times.” 
    HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!Pam, you and your husband CRACK ME UP!!!

    Oh, what a little trickster he is!

    And it's so ironic you mentioned Coffee Mate because I NEVER use it, but my mother does. A few mornings ago, I noticed she was out of milk (which is what I use in my coffee), so I tried some of her Coffee Mate, and LOVED it! I think when I get back to Philly, I'll have to buy some.

    My favorite way to have a cup of coffee is by using a French press. It it takes a bit longer to prepare than using a regular coffee maker, but OMG...it's sooooooo good!

    Hope you're having a fantabulous week, dear friend!

    ((((( You ))))))


  4. Grammy, I have heard that Italy is the coffee capital of the world. And I also heard that coffee made with a french press is the BEST EVER. I haven't tried it yet...guess I'm afraid I'll like it too much and then have to go through all that trouble every morning, so until I can afford my own personal chef, I'll just do it in the ole coffee maker ;-)

    I will drink half 'n half and even milk, if I have to, but PLEASE do not make me drink that powdered crap. I just HATE it!

    I hart you too!  Big hugs ((YOU))

  5. Hi Patricia! My newest favorite blogger whose blog is hilarious!

    My husband used to drink his coffee with cream and sugar, but now he says he likes it like his women, black and bitter, as you can see I'm white as a freaken ghost and if you ask me, I'll tell you I'm sweeter than sugar ;-)

    I'm following you through my Google Reader! YOU are a woman after my own **hart** 

     Anyone who can laugh at their own kids is tops in my book (or on my blog!).  And yes, humor is a must as a mom!

  6. Ron, oh gawd, if THIS cracked you up, you should've been a fly on the wall yesterday! I had David reading an Erotica book! 

    Coffee Mate is the bomb! But NOT in the powdered form. I HATE powdered creamer! YUCKO! I will use milk if I'm in a pinch, but I purchase Coffee Mate in bulk. 

    Grammy said she uses a french press too and like I told her, it takes time and I just don't want to take the extra time to do it. **sigh** I'm lazy in the morning. Now if someone were to make it FOR me...that's where a personal chef or assistant would come in real handy ;-)

    I'm having a busy week. But a good one, thank you!


  7. living in New England, I have become a Dunkin' Donuts purist.  Nothing better than a large Iced Coffee on a hot summer day.  Paul drinks DE-caffeinated and I can't for the life of me understand why he even bothers.  Isn't the caffeine the point?

  8. Bill, I haven't been able to acquire a taste for iced coffee, only hot, yet I can drink iced or hot tea...my taste buds are weird as my husband has proven! 

    I drink lots of caffeine during the day, yet will switch to decaf after 3pm only because it does effect my sleep, which is terrible to begin with. But yes, to me, caffeine is the point, especially in the morning when I need a jolt to help me wake the hell up! 

    Dunkin' Donuts coffee is good, as far as I can tell! ;-)

  9. Can't imagine drinking the swill that is called Starbucks or adding CoffeeMate. Ewww. Both leave such a bad aftertaste - maybe because of all those chemicals. I agree with Grammy but also like New Orleans coffee, particularly Community brand. Strong? You bet'cha.

  10. Leslie, my husband doesn't like Starbucks coffee either, says it tastes like coffee that's been sitting in the pot for three days. 

    Chemicals?? In Starbucks? Oh gawsh, you mean I shouldn't put their coffee grinds in my plants? ;-)

  11. What a funny, but mean, trick to play on you haha! I love coffee, but I decided to be a weirdo and give it up for the month. It surprisingly hasn't been too difficult...even though I'm counting down the days until my next cup ha :D

  12. Nate, my husband is always pulling some trick or another on me! 

    I have not ever tried to give up coffee, I think I might go into withdraw ;-)


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