Friday, June 1, 2012

Fun With Search Keywords ~ Part Two

It’s Search Engine Keyword time. I wrote about some of them a little while back and let me tell you, it IS possible for their weirdness to escalate! But some are also funnier too.

Before I get to the weird ones, I have to tell you that for some reason people are still searching for Bubs Daddy Bubble Gum. Now, if you are as old as me, you’ll remember this gum from the seventies. I wrote a confessional post about it (don’t judge, I was a freaken tween at the time!) so when someone types in Bubs Daddy Bubble Gum, my blog is one of the top links that pops up! I’ll bet people are jacked when they click my link and find out I stole the shit and they can’t buy it or really find out any information other than it cost about ten cents back in the day.

 If you were having a difficult time NOT judging, here’s your chance. What do you think of a person who types child throwing into a search box? I don’t think that’s a sport. Plus I have no freaken clue how someone would get directed to my blog as I don’t recall posting anything about throwing my child—or any child, for that matter. Suffice to say, though, that I’m not a perfect parent and have had bad days, although I don’t recollect ever wanting to throw my child, however, I have wanted to throw a tantrum or hundred two. As a matter of fact, I did throw many some of those, so did my youngest son. We had tantrum contests. I think I won. But if you ask him, he’ll say he did.

I somehow doubt tantrum contests is how someone found my blog but it’s a whole lot better than little boy beaten to death! I’ve never beaten my kids to death, nor within an inch of their lives even. I’ve never written about it either. I may have been tempted…I’m sure I was tempted even though I don’t have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit, no, actually, I don’t, but someone who found my blog does.

 Although I do have a quick reaction to dog poop (remember I can’t call it shit. I only say shit if I’m cussing). I have three dogs and they each poop at least once a day so I have to clean up after them all.the.friggin.time. Damn-poop-machines. Good thing I don’t have a bull because his poop piles would be huge and he would probably poop more than once a day then I would get tired and sluggish which would then make me not have a quick reaction to bullshit or dog poop for that matter.

That probably didn’t make any sense. And neither does searching for live well laugh often love much and live well love much laugh often. WHAT? I suppose that person didn’t realize that changing the sequence of a word or two wouldn’t give them different results. I think that could qualify for insanity. I’m just sayin’.

 Ill bet what if I’m dying of anthrax probably qualifies for at least nuttiness. Unless the person really does have Anthrax and is dying in three days. Unlike me who was just a ball of self-induced nerves with an over-active imagination who needed her father to talk sense into her thick head. And if that didn’t work then I probably needed to go to the slap zone.

I’m sure my idiot family…I mean loving family thinks I need to be in the slap zone more often than not. Does someone actually think that Google can help them with their idiot family? You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family and you certainly aren’t gonna change them. Love them for who they are or disown their asses.

 Speaking of asses… I’m too stupid for him. Alrighty then. I’m not sure what to say to this chick—well, I’m assuming it’s a chick, so just go with me here. Why in the world would she think she’s too stupid for HIM? Just the mere fact that she typed it into a search engine makes me fear for my gender. What did she hope to find? Scarier still, she found MY blog! But I wasn’t giving relationship advice. I will now— Dump him girlfriend. If you’re too stupid for him, imagine how dumb he IS!

 Madea i don't like you say something else smart to me. THIS cracked me up. My German Shepherd mix, Madea, yes, her name is Madea, is a vocal dog. She is always whining or yelping about something. AND the brat talks back to me! It’s like having another child. I tell her No you can’t have a treat right now (because she’s sitting next to the treat container) and she starts yelping at me as if to say You aren’t my REAL mom and I want it NOW damn it. When I saw this search keyword sentence I couldn’t help but think it could be ME talking to my dog, except I wouldn’t be so grammatically INCORRECT!

There are many more like Starbucks (my favorite), horseshoe, blonde moment, which I do have many of, and most adorable mixed babies. Ive heard of adorable babies and Ive heard of mixing, but it’s normally with alcohol. I just never heard of adorable mixed babies. Could that be babies with a shot or two of Tequila

All in all, Search Keywords are a lot of fun. I don’t use them for stats, I use them for giggle-filled blog posts!

Call me weird. 

Wonder if that will pull any Search Keywords.



  1. LOL.  It is amazing what people type to search.  Oh Pam, you might be horrified to see what search terms lead people to my blog.  But the top one is Rasputia.  I so hate that I used Norbit in a post now, because that is my top read post, and not a good one.  Also? "Gay Pup Training"  I had no idea why that was a search term and then I Googled it.  You don't want to know....but now, because it is in this comment, you will get those searchers too...You're welcome!

  2. Pam, these posts CRACK ME UP!!!!

    "I just never heard of adorable mixed babies. Could that be babies with a shot or two of Tequila?"


    Doesn't it amaze you how people searching online end up on your blog? I use to check my key word search often, but haven't done it in a while. So right before I left this comment I quickly went over to Statcounter to see the top key searches.

    Anne Frank House 
    Shark teeth sale

    The Anne Frank House I can understand because a few years ago, I wrote a post about visiting there when I was living in Holland.

    Onions must have come from a post I wrote about how much I hated them.

    But, Shark teeth sale????? I have NO idea!

    The weirdest word search I've ever gotten was, "tie my brother to a bed post"


    Great post, my friend! Thanks for the LAUGHS!

    ((( You )))

    Have an awesome weekend......X

  3. Bill, LOL on  the "Gay Pup Training"! I had no idea what it was either and couldn't resist googling it. So alrighty then! I guess if I start getting those keywords I'll really have something for Part three, eh? ;-)

  4. Ron, I remember your onion post! Cracked me up! 

    Shark Teeth Sale

    Okay, Ron, fess up. You have a side job. You're out there wrestling sharks so you can pull out their teeth then sell them on ebay!

    Tie my brother to a bed post?? Okay, that IS more than weird. I don't care if consenting adults want to tie each other up...but a sibling? I can't go there.  Now if someone wants to tie up a sibling and gag them because they are a pain in the ass...what can I say my brother was bothering me...I mean I can understand that. 



I *hart* comments!


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