Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about death. I suppose it has to do with my best friend’s mother passing away as well as a few blogging friends losing loved ones. Nothing like a huge dose of reality to make you look at your own mortality.
I’ve never kidded myself that I was going to live forever and I didn’t shy away from the task of a legal will, living will and proper documents to take care of my children should I die while they’re minors. I’ve also talked to my sons about how I wanted my burial to be handled.
When I first told my oldest I wanted to be cremated he said, I can’t burn you! I told him, I’ll be dead; I won’t feel a thing. It took a little while but he finally came to realize that ashes to ashes and dust to dust made a little sense, although he wants to be buried in a casket in the ground. Yes, I’ve talked to HIM about HIS burial, too. He’s nineteen and in the Army National Guard and these issues, as unpleasant as they tend to be, ARE a reality.
I’ve also given my sons STRICT orders that there is to be NO funeral. That is a TOTAL waste of money TO me. They can have a brief viewing for close relatives before they burn my ass, then go on a cruise and celebrate my life. If they don’t do as I wish, I will come back and haunt their asses (I don’t believe that I can, but they DO, so that fear works just fine for me).
The whole “death” thing, though, is really daunting. I look around my home and realize I have a lot of STUFF. My kids would probably have a house sale to get rid of the furniture, bag up my clothes and shoes and haul (as in a U-haul truck) them away…but what in the world will they do with my books, crafts, pictures, all my writings that haven’t hit my blogs, all my office supply crap (because I could open a freaken office supply store) and my keepsake boxes?
They already “picked” which collectibles they want as I have two, one for each of them, but I also have Gone With The Wind collectibles, which I told them to sell, because, really, what MALE is going to want that crap? Plus my Barbie Lenox ornaments…my gosh, I have crap on top of crap. Well, it’s not really crap, but TO them it is! Plus it’s going to be such a pain! It’s going to feel like a full-time job going through all my stuff! And I have a lot of stuff. Although, it’s displayed well as I want to enjoy it. I have a lot of it in curios and on the walls of our home, but there is quite a bit that’s stored away in boxes! They’ll have to sort through all that! Have I created extra stress for my kids at a time that will be stressful to begin with?
As I’ve said many times before, I’m an organized pack-rat, but I’ve allowed some things to get a little out of hand over the last year. My garage is a mess. Well, for ME, it’s a mess, for normal people it’s perfectly fine. If I were to kick the bucket, my husband and boys would have to go through all that and it kinda messes with my head which can actually set off a panic attack if I’m not careful.
I really need to go through my stuff. I’m going to make a list of all the things I need to do. I think they call it a To Do List. I’m going to tackle each and every item on my To Do List until it’s complete. I’m going to do this, not just for me…oh, who the hell am I kidding? I’m so doing it for me!
I know if I didn’t do anything else for the rest of my life and my kids had to clean up my stuff, they’d just back in dumpster, after selling anything that was worth anything (because that’s what I TOLD them and for ONCE they’d listen) and chuck the crap in the dumpster and haul it away.
And if I believed in Heaven or Hell, I’d be looking UP saying “You GO boys! I’m SO proud of you!”
“Oh, but WAIT, NOT that ornament! Give that to Madison!”
Because you CAN swear down here.