Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Put On Your Sarcasm

I peruse a lot of blogs. Some of which are Mommy Blogs, and I am a Mommy, but I’m not a Mommy Blogger. Actually, I don’t know what kind of Blogger I am because I write about a variety of topics. Maybe I’m a Miscellany Blogger—yes, I like the sound of that. A Miscellany Blogger!

I digress.

 While perusing the Mommy Blogs, I’ve read quite a few that get really ticked about being asked, When are you having child number two?

I’m not sure why that question raises tempers, blood pressures and heart rates, and makes people lose their minds, because my kids are 4 ½ years apart and I was asked that question a lot and it didn't upset me in the least. I normally answered with, When I’m ready. Which didn’t happen, because child number two was a SURPRISE (the bc failed). We needed to be ready whether we were or not. Nevertheless, he’s been a true blessing and I wouldn’t change a thing.

As I said, I have NO idea why that question raises tempers and makes people forget their own mind—do what you want and to hell with those who don’t like it already. Oops, my bad, not everyone is as assertive as me and many will take unnecessary crap which in turn will cause them undue stress. So for those of you who are not like me, and would like a little help with the dreaded question...try these sarcastic comebacks to keep the Interrogators at bay!

 For people you don’t particularly like: None of your damn business

 For couples who haven’t tied the knot yet: When you two finally get married

For nagging parents: When you finance BOTH kids’ college funds

 For siblings who have a passel of kids: You and So&So have been breeding so well, I wouldn’t dream of stealing your thunder

 There also seems to be the dreaded statement, Junior needs a brother/sister, which gives some people the runs, produces hives and causes heart palpitations. Again...never bothered me, I would give a sarcastic comeback like, We got him a puppy instead. But for those of you who get hives need a little help, here are a few more sarcastic comebacks!

 For single couples: You're a genius! Why don’t YOU carry one for 9 months, go through labor and delivery and give him one for Christmas!

For nagging parents: I was thinking the same thing! Why don’t YOU go adopt one and give it to him for his Birthday!

 For siblings who have a passel of kids: You're right! You have more than enough, give him one of yours! Easter is right around the corner, stuff one in his Easter basket!

  Or you can say the tried and true: Mind your own damn business.

 Believe it or not, I actually used the tried and true AND I told a single couple when they tied the knot I'd have my first. When they DID get married and I had my first, they asked when I was having my second, I said, When you have your first! 

Being asked those questions didn't cause me undue anxiety because I was the one who had to carry the babies then deliver them and ultimately CARE for them for EIGHTEEN years (I still have a few years to go, by the way). I could care less what anyone thought. It needs to be right for ME and MY family, not someone else.

 If more people put more effort into worrying about important issues and less time breaking out in a cold sweat over what someone else MIGHT think, they would be a whole lot happier!


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