Friday, May 18, 2012

The Rival

He walked into the loud jam-packed tavern. Wall-to-wall people, he thought to himself. His huge size could be daunting, considering he stood a good head taller than just about every man in the room, which meant he didn’t have to push his way through the crowd to get to the bar; the mass automatically opened a pathway for him: like the Red Sea parting for Moses.

 He placed an elbow on the mahogany surface of the bar and a black boot on the gold foot rail near the floor and watched the scene around him. Men flirting with women, women flirting with men. Many he knew, but his dark brown eyes sought only one and they stopped their quest when they landed on their quarry.

 She was across the room, her back to him, so she didn’t see him or his penetrating gaze. She was taller than average and prettier, too. That’s what caught his attention at the beginning. It wasn’t what held his interest though. It was the way she carried herself, as if she were royalty. She was stunning, but beauty only got a woman so far.

 This one was also the epitome of sophistication and had more intelligence than a lot of men he knew and she wasn’t afraid to show it, either. Although she executed that without making anyone feel deficient. So much dignity all rolled into one beautiful package.

 Oh, and her laughter! He couldn’t forget that! It touched his ears and made his heart skip as it filled the room like skilled fingers gliding on piano keys. Her smile could blind a person and it mesmerized him, like the sun’s rays glistening over a lake on a clear day. She certainly was rare; a precious jewel.

 He couldn’t remember the last time a woman captivated him the way she had. Maybe that was the problem. She was the first. He couldn’t get enough of her. And he was totally content just watching her.

 No, that was a lie. He wanted more than that.

 Much more.

She was like a virus—contagious and toxic. The more he was around her, the more he needed to be near her. He knew she wasn’t aware of the affect she had on him, because even though she was sophisticated, she had a natural naiveté. The world hadn’t contaminated her with its pretentiousness. Or maybe she hadnt let it. Either way, he didn’t think she had a deceptive bone in her slender body and he liked that the most about her.

 She turned, glanced his way and their eyes met. He held the intangible contact for a few seconds before smiling and then looking away. He had to. If he didn’t, he’d go to her and he couldn’t do that. He yearned to hold her. He craved to be the one she laughed at. The one she smiled for.

 Then why? Why didn’t he tell her his true feelings?

 Then he felt it.

 His answer.

 His brother’s hand on his shoulder.

 He couldn’t have her for she already belonged to another.



  1. Excellent story, Pam!

    And that ending totally FLOORED me!

    Not only do you have a overall gift for writing, but you can write FICTION, which is something I can't do.

    Your written visual imagery is AWESOME. You paint a clear picture of not only the physicality’s of your characters, but also the inner dialogue going on.

    Well done, my friend! WELL done!

    Have a fantabulous weekend.....X

    ((( You ))))

  2. WOW! Your writing keeps the reader intriqued! I hope there is more!

  3. OOOOOOoooooh smells like a book full of kanoodling!!! Yes please!

  4. Grammy, kanoodling with a very tall, handsome man...oh yes! Now I just have to write the damn thing! ;-)

  5. Nate, I'm working on it! 

    Thanks for stopping by, how have you been!?

  6. Jody, glad you liked it. There's more... it's just IN my head!

  7. Ron, you liked the ending, eh! I have a few more flash fiction that you might like then too!

    Sorry it took me so long to respond. I DID have a fantabulous weekend. Went to my mom and dad's and got all kinds of goodies! I'm trying to write a post, but my hubby and son are sick :-(

  8. I like!  More, please.  (When you can, of course...)  (It's not like I'm trying to rush you, or anything.)  (Except, when will you be able to?)  (Seriously, I know you're busy, but...)

  9. Pam, I have tried fiction, but I just can't make it sound genuine.  You do make it sound genuine and compelling.  Excellent job!

  10. Jo, alright, since you begged...I mean asked! Now to find the friggin time! 

    After the week I just had, I'm ready to find a cave and hide!

  11. Bill, thank you! 

    I find it difficult that YOU can't do "fiction" with your writing are so gifted!


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